Friday, February 25, 2011

#15 Fast food toys

I don't get it, therefore I hate it. Let me ask you how hard is it to get you to go to a bright and colorful place that smells amazing and has food that tastes like it was sent down from heaven directly to your mouth? Think of the McDonalds french fries and how they are so very crisp and salty. Or the Big Mac with it's special sauce, yeah SPECIAL, meaning it's made from the love and care of angels.

An angel dropping down Special Sauce just for me
So why is it that fast food places have to add more incentives to children to come eat the food there. Which kid complained about the food so much that they needed to add a toy to sweeten the pot? I just hate the way that these places market to kids because it seems like such a low blow! You know what the fast food places should do instead, incentivize toys for me because I actually know better than to eat the crappy food they are making! I guess they already do that (McDonald's Monopoly anyone?).

Came for the toys, stayed for the fries and drink....and burger, and shake and mcnugets, and his brother's arm
I don't think there is anyone making millions off of the toys they saved as a kid and if they are then I am REALLY happy for them. Because it's going to cost millions in medical bills to correct what years of "happy" meals have done to their body.
Best pick-up lines of all time: "come check out my happy meal toy collection...yeah I collected all 4 and then some"
I guess I hate how fast food is so readily available and how healthy food costs so much more. I hate that my interests are not a priority for our beloved clown! Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to hop on the PETA bandwagon and talk about unhappy meals and how the chickens aren't really chickens. I just hate that an American icon is doing nothing more than setting us up for an early death.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

#14 Nudity censorship in the US vs. Europe

How is it that in the USA you can watch a murder on a TV show with the full fledged gory parts or a person shooting, stabbing, hanging, or otherwise killing another person? BUT! Show a nipple and the whole protocol for delaying live TV is changed and/or the TV show is yanked off the air if it made it past the barrage of censorship prior to airing.
Here look at this dead body rotting, but make sure her nipples are covered!

I don't understand how come nudity is such a taboo, yet watching someone die or witnessing the most violent scenes of rape (minus nudity) and fighting are allowed. Look at British TV, they show nudity all the time! Here is a rundown of the top 5 shows that Telegraph reviewed in 2008:

1 How to Look Good Naked (Ch4)
The great pioneer of TV nudity for all is the spectacularly camp Gok Wan who advises women on make-up, self esteem, and how to make the most of their bangers ("Whether you're packing a couple of zeppelins under your vest top or packing it full of chicken fillets."). A good time was had by all.

2 Miss Naked Beauty (Ch4)
Gok Wan strikes again -- this time getting 7000 women to enter a natural beauty contest without make-up. In the voting a six foot two inch goth with tattoos lost out to a pretty student with freckles. So what's new?

3. Dawn Gets Naked (BBC3)
The laudable aim of the presenter Dawn Porter was to defy the tyranny of airbrushed beauty and celebrate the reality of the female body. After an investigative tour of plastic surgeons, striptease classes and nudist colonies, she enlisted dozens of women to join her in travelling naked around London on an open-top double-decker bus

4. The Great British Body (ITV)
Presented by Trinny Woodhall and Susannah Constantine, this programme had a bewildering range of objectives. They were to celebrate the British and their bodies, get everyone to appear naked in a human sculpture, discover everything about the British body today, organise a great British body road show and hold "the biggest ever British body audit."

5. Naked News (you can catch it on YouTube)
Out on the wilder extremes of the digital platform buried among the plethora of adult channels is Naked News which combines striptease and news reading. The trouble is that the nudity stops you listening to the news and the reports on tsunamis or terrorist bombs stops most of the erotic buzz.

In addition there is an art show in British TV that shows nude models, so in a non-sexual way there is nudity. I'd like to see PBS air a show about figure drawing!

Nudity in a non-sexual way

I know there is a thing called cable where nudity is prevelant, but not everybody has cable. Everyone in England can get the channels listed above. It goes beyond tv, look at The Sun newspaper (  and check out page 3... there is a topless woman in there everyday! Also note that she's isnt photoshoped like the women in the US are! You get to see veins and other parts of the body that every woman really has!

I hate that it seems appropriate in the US to have uber violence but not show the naked human body. Maybe this is why there are so many teen pregnancies over here because the body is so hidden, kids can't wait to discover what all the hype is about! I know i know, the US has tons of violence too and they show that all the time on TV, but I just think the US can learn something from Europe and show a little more skin!

I just find it interesting that nudity, especially a woman's breasts, is so taboo when they are a source for food and are not genitalia at all! Both sexes have breasts/nipples but it's women that have to cover up.

Anyway this has been a long rant with not nearly enough naked people presented in this post. I'm afraid if I post nudity then my blogger account will be suspended or something dumb like that!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dear people who actually read this!

It's been a busy week and the number one thing I hate is when people don't update their blog! Makes me want to kick babies...

googling an image for kicking babies is actually harder than it seems
I know there are a couple of blogs here that are about the things they hate and they haven't updated since the begining of internet time! I hate those people because they took the good url's! Stupid haters aren't hating enough.

For example...

No updates since 2003! I hate them, how nice would it be to have a url that actually represented my blog, but no some 14 year old on his mom's AOL gets there first in 2003. P.S. you nostalgia you lose

Kids, this is how the interwebz got to our houses, ever...single...week.
So in closing I'm going to give you the excuse of I'm busy and I'm not going to update today (see the paradox in that!). Although my next rant is going to be about how American TV wont allow nudity (vs. European countries) yet we will allow intense violence and gore. WTF?

Until then here is the closest to nudity on American TV....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Past 100 followers!

I don't know when it happened, but today I broke past 100 followers! Now up to 113! Thanks for the commitment and I hope to bring you guys some good stuff to laugh about and join my rage!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Show me your belly, bitch.

"If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever. Unless you marry her."

"When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts."

"Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella."

These are all prime examples of "guy code". That code that apparently all guys come pre-programmed knowing. What many a lay-person does not realize, however, is that there is a "girl code", and ours is just as relevant, and not to be undermined. Ever. For example, "A girl is never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into." Not much different than something you might see in "guy code", right? Well there is one little section of the code that I'd like to discuss today, and I like to call it, "Show me your belly, bitch".

See, in the dog world when two dogs are playing, or even meeting for the first time, one of them will usually roll over and show their belly as a sign of submission. A way to say, "Hey - its cool, you're the boss, and I acknowledge that". It is just the order of things. This is also true in girl-world. When meeting an ex-boyfriend's new love for the first time, the old love must express some subtle little comment, or gesture, that says, "I stand down". It is never anything big - even a simple, "I love you in that dress, I could never pull that off with my huge hips, " is a simple "showing of the belly". This little comment or gesture is so subtle, that it is barely a whisper. Much like most humans can not hear a dog whistle, most men will never notice that tiny whisper. But to a woman, it is loud and clear.

Now, I am not a jealous woman, by any means. "Yeah, right, all women say that", you are thinking. But I'm not. I am happy to let my fiance go to strip clubs, have guys nights out, and even be friends with some of his ex-girlfriends. I am confident in myself and in our relationship, and I trust my fiance implicitly. But here's the thing with ex-girlfriends, love interests, and crushes - they have to show me their belly. That one little gesture, the "waving of the white flag", that says, "I understand you are the new woman in his life, and I am just here to be cool and not cause any sort of drama." Examples of this that I've already gotten? Congratulating him about our engagement on his Facebook page, noting that his new fiancee is: a) so pretty, b) seems to be making him so happy, c) seems like a perfect fit. Making a point to say, "Next time you are in town, I'd love to meet your fiancee, she seems great!"

For the most part, his women of the past have been obedient little girls - falling in line with the natural order of things and showing me their little bellies - clearing the way for us to have pleasant exchanges; complimenting each others hair, trading recipes, making coffee invites, comparing vaginas (just kidding - but c'mon - that is what most guys hope we are doing when we hang out).

But then there are a few deviants. These stubborn little divas have ignored the code - and its time that they be called out so that they can properly roll over and show me their bellies:

Dear Miss "We kissed once, years ago" - next time you invite my fiance out, it had better include an invite for me (as opposed to the last 3 times you asked him to hang out). Chances are good that I will decline, because spending an afternoon with you sounds as appealing as a pelvic exam - but the invite better be there. Show me your belly, bitch.

Dear twit of an ex-girlfriend - I don't care if you are still friends with him. Mostly because I've seen the nude photos you sent him while you two were together and I'm pretty sure he's over his 70's porn bush-phase (really, a $10 investment can get you the Intuition razor - it's surrounded in soap which shields all your sensitive bits from getting nicked- check it out sometime). But blatantly ignoring me during exchanges that I've made directly to you will not make me disappear - sorry. And remember - I hold the strings to which ex-twits he keeps around, and which ones he doesn't (and before you boys reading this rally together some sort of "man's rights" protest because it sounds like I've got his balls in a vice-grip - he holds those strings as well, and I have happily cut off many a guy from my life at my fiance's request. It goes both ways.) Show me your belly, bitch.

Dear undergraduate who friends requested him on Facebook a mere hour after you two spoke in the grad lab - I realize that could be an innocuous gesture. I also realize that it didn't take you long after your exchange in the grad lab, to decide to stop the studying that you were doing when he walked in, look up his email address, and track him down on Facebook. And that is cool....that is totally cool. But you are on notice. You have a precious window after which you take notice of his relationship status saying "engaged" to show me your belly. Bitch.

Whoring myself out part 2

Ok if you have an iPhone iPod touch or iPad then you can make some (a small amount) of cash just by downloading and opening the apps. I didn't believe it but it went directly to my paypal within a few minutes of opening the app! Check it out!


Just hit 1000 views! Thanks everyone for looking at what I hate!!!

#13 People who took one course in college and now are an expert

It goes a little something like this:

Stacy - "I'm thinking about going vegetarian, because I've heard its better for your health not to eat so much red meat"

Gina - "OMG Stacy I really don't think you should do that because you probably won't get the same amount of vitamins and minerals"

Stacy - "Oh really? I thought vegetarians were healthier because our bodies can't really digest large amounts of meat?"

Gina - "No that's what "they" want you to think, listen I took a Nutrition class and learned all there is to know about healthy eating"

Stacy - "But aren't you a communications major?"

Gina - "Yeah, but I took it as an elective to expand my knowledge of the subject"

Stacy - "Oh really? Just the one class?"

Gina - "Yeah, Nutrition 10, it was an introductory class so it was very general and I learned about EVERYTHING, plus the professor was really smart and told us how not to trust the government and hippies alike. He eats meat and told us all how to eat right, so I trust him"

Stacy - "Wow I trust you because you are well informed and obviously know what you're talking about!"

Gina - "Stacy stick with me because I know what's best. Now a bigger question is what douche do you use because I've been told it's coming back in style and I want to make sure I'm well read on the subject too"

Orrrrrrr something like that. I hate it when people take one class in college and all of a sudden are some expert on the subject. You took a freaking introductory class and think you know everything because you know a tiny bit more than I know. Google is my friend and I will do the research that perhaps your class didn't cover.

Daily Show's John Hodgman - Resident Expert
It's not the fact that you're informing me. Heck I've informed people on beer and brewing because I took a class on it. It's the fact that you're coming across as if you're an expert on the matter. As if you teach the subject or something, or that you spent at least four years in college studying it. Don't press your views on me and make me feel bad about making a choice or saying something because you took one class on it.

Your the kind of person I would like to have on my team during trivia night, because I know for a fact that you retain the most obscure knowledge of a wide range of subjects. Partly due to the fact that you didn't have a clue what you wanted to do when you got to college, partly due because you went to college because you were told to and HAD to, not because you wanted to, partly due because you have no drive in life and no one listens to you. So with that being said, stop trying to push what you think is right on me, instead just inform me and leave it up to me to make a decision.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Top 10 Bizarre or Frivolous Lawsuits

Top 10 Bizarre or Frivolous Lawsuits

Click the link above for something I really hate! As with the news article about the guy suing for electromagnetic interference, this link shows you all of the people I hate in one concise article!

Increased viewship!

I am up to 72 followers! Thanks to all of you for your interest in both my rants, but also those who guest ranted! Keep spreading the word! Oh and not to make this a lovey dovey post, I hate all of you!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

How to spot a Male loser!

*photo may or may not be representational of my actual self.

1. You start your profile with: “I don‘t really like talking about myself, but here goes….” How pitiful, insecure and low self esteem-ish can you be? This is a dating site, what the “F” else are you going to talk about???

2. You work hard but play even harder!! Can Mr. Cliche come out and play?? Any guy who uses this term has no hope, they are dull to the bone (if they even have a spine).

3. You mention the beach or the ocean…. Walking on it, ect. Do you like breathing air too? Great, we have that in common also! The only thing that doesn’t like the beach is a whale because it usually means they are dead or about to be.

4. You have a cat, poodle, yorkie, chihuahua or any other type of animal a woman or homosexual typically has, in your pictures. Unless you have an excuse like your mom’s last dying wish was for you to care for her precious Schnookums… you are gay! Women love puppies, not grown men with fluffy dogs and especially not cats! Anything but cats!

5. You are really proud you are old and still ride your Harley like a tough guy. You make it clear that women must love to ride because you are hard as nails and free as a bird… society can not contain you, you are a rebel!! When I see an old dude on a motorcycle, I imagine a dog hanging it’s head out a car window with it’s loose, droopy face flapping in the wind. But hey, both look pretty happy while doing it! And another thought that crosses my mind is VIENNA SAUSAGE…. a very small weenie, surrounded by metal and full of sodium… gross!

6. You start your profile saying you just got out of prison, are fat, bald and have no teeth. And then say “Just kidding, now that I have your attention!!!” HARDY HAR HAR!!! Really, are you that stupid?? REALLY?? If you can find a woman who thinks that’s humorous, marry that stupid bitch. I strongly suggest that one of you gets your tubes tied.

7. You are a tatted bad boy. You claim to only date super models with your drug dealin' income and wear a bandana like you are in a gang. You are throwing hand signs and usually in the background of your pics, is a flowery couch with a knitted shawl draped across it, that looks like you’re at grandma’s house. Wow, you go tough guy… tell Grandma Hilda I said hi! You probably live in her basement and she's too terrified to throw you out. She's counting the days until you get arrested so she can change her phone number.

8. You have shirtless pics taken in your bathroom that looks like a pubic hair bomb went off in it! There's enough toothpaste spray on that mirror to empty a windex bottle to get it clean! With a bathroom that dirty, you definitely have creepy crawlers in your crack!

9. You want a woman with a good head on her shoulders. Well I don’t know about you, but most people’s heads are located in the same place, whether or not they are good heads is another matter. Or is that a new way of saying you just want good head?! Technically you should be looking for a woman with a good head on her neck, because no one’s head is located on their shoulders. Although there are probably a few in the middle east, somewhere in a small village, if you can afford the airfare.

10. Last but not least, your main pic is of you making a funny face or wearing a clown wig. You want women to think you are a different kind of guy, the life of the party, never a dull moment! Life is a bouquet of spontaneity and laughs when you are around. This guy has to be cool as hell! His picture is rock solid proof! RIGHT?!!?? WRONG! Women want men to be like Fabio or someone hot and sexy, duh… not Goofy or Dorky the Clown or someone who is gonna fart in our face a light a match. Go play with your chihuaua…….. I meant your dog you idiot.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

#12 "Just buy a Mac" people

Ok we know this debate right? Mac vs. PC owners and both thinking they have the ultimate machine. Well I hate it when the Mac owners all of a sudden impale you with their opinion on purchasing choice when I have an issue with my PC.

"Just buy a Mac, I never have gotten a virus"
"Just buy a Mac, mine hasn't crashed ever"

Ok well first of all your Mac inst invincible because I know for damn sure you get the swirly ball of death and not to mention the Kernel Panic which means your beloved machine crashed.
Swirly Ball of Death
Kernel Panic


I rarely get the Blue Screen Of Death (BSOD) and that's usually because I am using my computer for something it's not supposed to do. This is uncommon with your Mac because most of you don't dare venture into modifying or upgrading your Mac, simply because it's not made to. No it's made to last a longer time than a PC but it costs twice or three times as much!

What a steal!

So to those who say "Just buy a Mac" I say do the math!! Look I have a pretty decent machine for $650 with an aftermarket graphics card and all the things I need to do video editing and gaming (more on this later). Why the hell would I spend over $2,500 on a comparable machine? I could stockpile spare PC's for when I ever have one crash for that money and for what? A little security of not crashing? Besides at the rate Apple produces new models for it's "followers" (see: cult) they subliminally make you buy a new computer when the Mac you have is built to last.

Games? Oh if you're a Mac owner, you are limited to the latest and greatest games out there because you're such a small market! I am a gamer like many other people out there, so buying a Mac would literally be for Microsoft Office, internet use, and possibly video editing. Again, tell me the cost-benefit of buying a Mac over a fully functional and easily upgradable PC?

Mac's are the Lexus' of the computer world. Ever look at a new Lexus under the hood? You can't see the engine because the people at Lexus decided to clean it up with plastic nonetheless. Macs are the same way, dressed up all nice so people can have a fashion statement rather than a raw machine.

Lexus, under the hood...where's the engine?
So please, don't tell me to just go buy a Mac when something goes wrong with my PC because for ME at least, the cost-benefit of my PC is way higher than a Mac!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

#11 Aberdouchery Plumes

Like mine, many towns in North America are afflicted with an Aberdouchery: a clothier catering to the "fashion" sensibilities of young douchebags who aspire to look exactly the same as their friends, and spend copious amounts of money doing so. Yes, the term is a mashup of the time-honored haberdasher with the modern chain-store Mecca for said douchebags, which shall remain nameless here to avoid corporate hate mail (but, coincidentally, sounds a lot like Ubercrappy and Glitch).

Said store is the center of Kardashian-inspired "class" for young America, and although they want you to see their stores (although, not their clothes by the looks of their tastelessly clotheless models), they really REALLY want you to smell them. From blocks away. At least. Otherwise-mindless Aberdouches clearly share some traits of tracking dogs: they love checking to see that their balls are still there in plain view of the public, and they can pick up a scent from a mile away. They often do both of these things with their noses, although Aberdouches share none of the other higher cognitive abilities of tracking dogs, I'm told.

Aberdoucheries atomize their stench and cast it out -- way out -- with not a care in the world. They spray that crap in the store every 20 minutes. They even have ceiling-mounted douchestenchers to do it automatically. You can smell that crap many blocks away when the wind is right. What I fail to understand is this: smoking is verboten in most aspects of non-flyover culture, like the one I live in. So how can it be OK at all for Aberdouchers to foul the free-breathing rights of everyone within the same ZIP code as their stores?

This I fail to understand. If you smoke in a public place, you might as well do so while openly snorting cocaine and aggressively panhandling, because all of those things are equal nowadays. Clean air, breathing free, and smoke-free downtowns are all the rage. If smoking is an indicator of future cancer, Aberdouchery plumes should certainly be considered an indicator of current cultural decay.

Lucky for the rest of us, according to this article, some of the chemicals in Aberstench have been shown to reduce sperm counts in adult men. There is some justice in the world.