#16 (Not so) Jiffy Lube

An oxymoron

As the name implies, this is supposed to be a shop that lubes your car in a jiffy. Then how come when i drive up and the lovely mechanic asks me if I would like a signature oil change today and I say yes, that it takes forever to get to the point of actually doing the work.

I get that you offer lots of other services beyond the simple oil change but seriously, when I come in and say JUST AND OIL CHANGE, don't sit me down by the computer and go throught EVERY SINGLE thing that could POSSIBLY be wrong. That is to say, my belt may need to be replaced but after inspection it doesn't need to be replaced. I kid you not but the conversation goes like this:

JL: would you like to use our signature oil service today?

Me: Why yes, I would like to only do the oil change today.

JL: Great! why don't you sit down by the computer and we can get you started.

Me: Sure thing, I'm in a rush...hence coming here...to "Jiffy" lube.

JL: No problem sir, we will have you out of here soon... now looking at your car, there is high millage, so would you like to go with our high millage oil?

Me: Sure, whatever it needs to get out of here quick.

JL: Not a problem, here's what the manufacture suggests as far as maintenance services - You should probably change the transmission fluid as it's 30,000 miles overdue.

Me: I'm going to pass on that.

JL: Oh ok, well it also says here that you should flush your coolant, we can do that for $130

Me: Nah, just the oil please.

JL: Right... well it also says that you should change your belt for $90 extra.

Me: Does the belt look bad?

JL: Well we will check it of course but the computer says that it should be changed.

Me: Then no, I will just do the oil today.

JL: Gotcha well let's walk over here where we have removed your air filter and in cabin air filter, see how dirty that in cabin air filter is? You're breathing that...

Me: Well considering one side is dirty, then thats the air i'm not breathing, in a sense the filter is doing it's job...

JL: Would you like us to replace any of the air filters?

Me: No... just. the. oil.

JL: Alrighty, have a seat inside and we will let you know when it's all done.

- 15 minutes later

JL: Ok sir, you were a quart low and we also found that one of your license plate lights was out, can we replace that for $20?

Me: No... I am able to change a light bulb at cost ($3) by myself.

JL: Ah... well here's how much you owe, now we have a service plan where you get your third oil change for free if you sign up.

Me: No thanks, I'm in a rush.

JL: Ok, also one more thing, If you would like us to use a gasoline additive to clean your fuel lines and injectors you can get your 5th oil change for free.

Me: No, no, no.... I want to pay and get out of here!

So as you can see it's a gauntlet of getting past the options and getting my oil changed. I hate how these places offer additional services that I don't want or don't need. Sure, I understand there are idiots out there that don't know the basic maintenance scheduling on their vehicle (protip: look in the manual), but when I ask for oil change only, I mean it!

This guy knows what's going on!

So now I'm just going to change my oil by myself because at least I know I wont be cornered into wasting money on additional services!