What?? Another milestone?

I now have over 2000 views, which means a lot of you are looking at my page!! I hope you like it and keep coming back as I go on and on about what I hate. Next up is how I hate how the US makes international disasters about the US. Oh there was a major quake in Japan? How can we avoid major quakes in the US? What would it be like if it happend in the US? So dumb...

#16 (Not so) Jiffy Lube

An oxymoron

As the name implies, this is supposed to be a shop that lubes your car in a jiffy. Then how come when i drive up and the lovely mechanic asks me if I would like a signature oil change today and I say yes, that it takes forever to get to the point of actually doing the work.

I get that you offer lots of other services beyond the simple oil change but seriously, when I come in and say JUST AND OIL CHANGE, don't sit me down by the computer and go throught EVERY SINGLE thing that could POSSIBLY be wrong. That is to say, my belt may need to be replaced but after inspection it doesn't need to be replaced. I kid you not but the conversation goes like this:

JL: would you like to use our signature oil service today?

Me: Why yes, I would like to only do the oil change today.

JL: Great! why don't you sit down by the computer and we can get you started.

Me: Sure thing, I'm in a rush...hence coming here...to "Jiffy" lube.

JL: No problem sir, we will have you out of here soon... now looking at your car, there is high millage, so would you like to go with our high millage oil?

Me: Sure, whatever it needs to get out of here quick.

JL: Not a problem, here's what the manufacture suggests as far as maintenance services - You should probably change the transmission fluid as it's 30,000 miles overdue.

Me: I'm going to pass on that.

JL: Oh ok, well it also says here that you should flush your coolant, we can do that for $130

Me: Nah, just the oil please.

JL: Right... well it also says that you should change your belt for $90 extra.

Me: Does the belt look bad?

JL: Well we will check it of course but the computer says that it should be changed.

Me: Then no, I will just do the oil today.

JL: Gotcha well let's walk over here where we have removed your air filter and in cabin air filter, see how dirty that in cabin air filter is? You're breathing that...

Me: Well considering one side is dirty, then thats the air i'm not breathing, in a sense the filter is doing it's job...

JL: Would you like us to replace any of the air filters?

Me: No... just. the. oil.

JL: Alrighty, have a seat inside and we will let you know when it's all done.

- 15 minutes later

JL: Ok sir, you were a quart low and we also found that one of your license plate lights was out, can we replace that for $20?

Me: No... I am able to change a light bulb at cost ($3) by myself.

JL: Ah... well here's how much you owe, now we have a service plan where you get your third oil change for free if you sign up.

Me: No thanks, I'm in a rush.

JL: Ok, also one more thing, If you would like us to use a gasoline additive to clean your fuel lines and injectors you can get your 5th oil change for free.

Me: No, no, no.... I want to pay and get out of here!

So as you can see it's a gauntlet of getting past the options and getting my oil changed. I hate how these places offer additional services that I don't want or don't need. Sure, I understand there are idiots out there that don't know the basic maintenance scheduling on their vehicle (protip: look in the manual), but when I ask for oil change only, I mean it!

This guy knows what's going on!

So now I'm just going to change my oil by myself because at least I know I wont be cornered into wasting money on additional services!

#15 Fast food toys

I don't get it, therefore I hate it. Let me ask you how hard is it to get you to go to a bright and colorful place that smells amazing and has food that tastes like it was sent down from heaven directly to your mouth? Think of the McDonalds french fries and how they are so very crisp and salty. Or the Big Mac with it's special sauce, yeah SPECIAL, meaning it's made from the love and care of angels.

An angel dropping down Special Sauce just for me

So why is it that fast food places have to add more incentives to children to come eat the food there. Which kid complained about the food so much that they needed to add a toy to sweeten the pot? I just hate the way that these places market to kids because it seems like such a low blow! You know what the fast food places should do instead, incentivize toys for me because I actually know better than to eat the crappy food they are making! I guess they already do that (McDonald's Monopoly anyone?).

Came for the toys, stayed for the fries and drink....and burger, and shake and mcnugets, and his brother's arm

I don't think there is anyone making millions off of the toys they saved as a kid and if they are then I am REALLY happy for them. Because it's going to cost millions in medical bills to correct what years of "happy" meals have done to their body.

Best pick-up lines of all time: "come check out my happy meal toy collection...yeah I collected all 4 and then some"

I guess I hate how fast food is so readily available and how healthy food costs so much more. I hate that my interests are not a priority for our beloved clown! Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to hop on the PETA bandwagon and talk about unhappy meals and how the chickens aren't really chickens. I just hate that an American icon is doing nothing more than setting us up for an early death.

#14 Nudity censorship in the US vs. Europe

How is it that in the USA you can watch a murder on a TV show with the full fledged gory parts or a person shooting, stabbing, hanging, or otherwise killing another person? BUT! Show a nipple and the whole protocol for delaying live TV is changed and/or the TV show is yanked off the air if it made it past the barrage of censorship prior to airing.

Here look at this dead body rotting, but make sure her nipples are covered!

I don't understand how come nudity is such a taboo, yet watching someone die or witnessing the most violent scenes of rape (minus nudity) and fighting are allowed. Look at British TV, they show nudity all the time! Here is a rundown of the top 5 shows that Telegraph reviewed in 2008:

1 How to Look Good Naked (Ch4)

The great pioneer of TV nudity for all is the spectacularly camp Gok Wan who advises women on make-up, self esteem, and how to make the most of their bangers ("Whether you're packing a couple of zeppelins under your vest top or packing it full of chicken fillets."). A good time was had by all.

2 Miss Naked Beauty (Ch4)

Gok Wan strikes again -- this time getting 7000 women to enter a natural beauty contest without make-up. In the voting a six foot two inch goth with tattoos lost out to a pretty student with freckles. So what's new?

3. Dawn Gets Naked (BBC3)

The laudable aim of the presenter Dawn Porter was to defy the tyranny of airbrushed beauty and celebrate the reality of the female body. After an investigative tour of plastic surgeons, striptease classes and nudist colonies, she enlisted dozens of women to join her in travelling naked around London on an open-top double-decker bus

4. The Great British Body (ITV)
Presented by Trinny Woodhall and Susannah Constantine, this programme had a bewildering range of objectives. They were to celebrate the British and their bodies, get everyone to appear naked in a human sculpture, discover everything about the British body today, organise a great British body road show and hold "the biggest ever British body audit."

5. Naked News (you can catch it on YouTube)
Out on the wilder extremes of the digital platform buried among the plethora of adult channels is Naked News which combines striptease and news reading. The trouble is that the nudity stops you listening to the news and the reports on tsunamis or terrorist bombs stops most of the erotic buzz.

In addition there is an art show in British TV that shows nude models, so in a non-sexual way there is nudity. I'd like to see PBS air a show about figure drawing!

Nudity in a non-sexual way

I know there is a thing called cable where nudity is prevelant, but not everybody has cable. Everyone in England can get the channels listed above. It goes beyond tv, look at The Sun newspaper (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/)  and check out page 3... there is a topless woman in there everyday! Also note that she's isnt photoshoped like the women in the US are! You get to see veins and other parts of the body that every woman really has!

I hate that it seems appropriate in the US to have uber violence but not show the naked human body. Maybe this is why there are so many teen pregnancies over here because the body is so hidden, kids can't wait to discover what all the hype is about! I know i know, the US has tons of violence too and they show that all the time on TV, but I just think the US can learn something from Europe and show a little more skin!

I just find it interesting that nudity, especially a woman's breasts, is so taboo when they are a source for food and are not genitalia at all! Both sexes have breasts/nipples but it's women that have to cover up.

Anyway this has been a long rant with not nearly enough naked people presented in this post. I'm afraid if I post nudity then my blogger account will be suspended or something dumb like that!

Dear people who actually read this!

It's been a busy week and the number one thing I hate is when people don't update their blog! Makes me want to kick babies...

googling an image for kicking babies is actually harder than it seems

I know there are a couple of blogs here that are about the things they hate and they haven't updated since the begining of internet time! I hate those people because they took the good url's! Stupid haters aren't hating enough.

For example... http://thethingsihate.blogspot.com/
http://thingsihate.blogspot.com/

No updates since 2003! I hate them, how nice would it be to have a url that actually represented my blog, but no some 14 year old on his mom's AOL gets there first in 2003. P.S. you nostalgia you lose

Kids, this is how the interwebz got to our houses, ever...single...week.

So in closing I'm going to give you the excuse of I'm busy and I'm not going to update today (see the paradox in that!). Although my next rant is going to be about how American TV wont allow nudity (vs. European countries) yet we will allow intense violence and gore. WTF?

Until then here is the closest to nudity on American TV....

Past 100 followers!

I don't know when it happened, but today I broke past 100 followers! Now up to 113! Thanks for the commitment and I hope to bring you guys some good stuff to laugh about and join my rage!

Show me your belly, bitch.

"If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever. Unless you marry her."

"When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts."

"Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella."

These are all prime examples of "guy code". That code that apparently all guys come pre-programmed knowing. What many a lay-person does not realize, however, is that there is a "girl code", and ours is just as relevant, and not to be undermined. Ever. For example, "A girl is never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into." Not much different than something you might see in "guy code", right? Well there is one little section of the code that I'd like to discuss today, and I like to call it, "Show me your belly, bitch".

See, in the dog world when two dogs are playing, or even meeting for the first time, one of them will usually roll over and show their belly as a sign of submission. A way to say, "Hey - its cool, you're the boss, and I acknowledge that". It is just the order of things. This is also true in girl-world. When meeting an ex-boyfriend's new love for the first time, the old love must express some subtle little comment, or gesture, that says, "I stand down". It is never anything big - even a simple, "I love you in that dress, I could never pull that off with my huge hips, " is a simple "showing of the belly". This little comment or gesture is so subtle, that it is barely a whisper. Much like most humans can not hear a dog whistle, most men will never notice that tiny whisper. But to a woman, it is loud and clear.

Now, I am not a jealous woman, by any means. "Yeah, right, all women say that", you are thinking. But I'm not. I am happy to let my fiance go to strip clubs, have guys nights out, and even be friends with some of his ex-girlfriends. I am confident in myself and in our relationship, and I trust my fiance implicitly. But here's the thing with ex-girlfriends, love interests, and crushes - they have to show me their belly. That one little gesture, the "waving of the white flag", that says, "I understand you are the new woman in his life, and I am just here to be cool and not cause any sort of drama." Examples of this that I've already gotten? Congratulating him about our engagement on his Facebook page, noting that his new fiancee is: a) so pretty, b) seems to be making him so happy, c) seems like a perfect fit. Making a point to say, "Next time you are in town, I'd love to meet your fiancee, she seems great!"

For the most part, his women of the past have been obedient little girls - falling in line with the natural order of things and showing me their little bellies - clearing the way for us to have pleasant exchanges; complimenting each others hair, trading recipes, making coffee invites, comparing vaginas (just kidding - but c'mon - that is what most guys hope we are doing when we hang out).

But then there are a few deviants. These stubborn little divas have ignored the code - and its time that they be called out so that they can properly roll over and show me their bellies:

Dear Miss "We kissed once, years ago" - next time you invite my fiance out, it had better include an invite for me (as opposed to the last 3 times you asked him to hang out). Chances are good that I will decline, because spending an afternoon with you sounds as appealing as a pelvic exam - but the invite better be there. Show me your belly, bitch.

Dear twit of an ex-girlfriend - I don't care if you are still friends with him. Mostly because I've seen the nude photos you sent him while you two were together and I'm pretty sure he's over his 70's porn bush-phase (really, a $10 investment can get you the Intuition razor - it's surrounded in soap which shields all your sensitive bits from getting nicked- check it out sometime). But blatantly ignoring me during exchanges that I've made directly to you will not make me disappear - sorry. And remember - I hold the strings to which ex-twits he keeps around, and which ones he doesn't (and before you boys reading this rally together some sort of "man's rights" protest because it sounds like I've got his balls in a vice-grip - he holds those strings as well, and I have happily cut off many a guy from my life at my fiance's request. It goes both ways.) Show me your belly, bitch.

Dear undergraduate who friends requested him on Facebook a mere hour after you two spoke in the grad lab - I realize that could be an innocuous gesture. I also realize that it didn't take you long after your exchange in the grad lab, to decide to stop the studying that you were doing when he walked in, look up his email address, and track him down on Facebook. And that is cool....that is totally cool. But you are on notice. You have a precious window after which you take notice of his relationship status saying "engaged" to show me your belly. Bitch.

Whoring myself out part 2

Ok if you have an iPhone iPod touch or iPad then you can make some (a small amount) of cash just by downloading and opening the apps. I didn't believe it but it went directly to my paypal within a few minutes of opening the app! Check it out!

http://tinyurl.com/4e4ptvt

1000 views!!

Just hit 1000 views! Thanks everyone for looking at what I hate!!!

#13 People who took one course in college and now are an expert

It goes a little something like this:

Stacy - "I'm thinking about going vegetarian, because I've heard its better for your health not to eat so much red meat"

Gina - "OMG Stacy I really don't think you should do that because you probably won't get the same amount of vitamins and minerals"

Stacy - "Oh really? I thought vegetarians were healthier because our bodies can't really digest large amounts of meat?"

Gina - "No that's what "they" want you to think, listen I took a Nutrition class and learned all there is to know about healthy eating"

Stacy - "But aren't you a communications major?"

Gina - "Yeah, but I took it as an elective to expand my knowledge of the subject"

Stacy - "Oh really? Just the one class?"

Gina - "Yeah, Nutrition 10, it was an introductory class so it was very general and I learned about EVERYTHING, plus the professor was really smart and told us how not to trust the government and hippies alike. He eats meat and told us all how to eat right, so I trust him"

Stacy - "Wow I trust you because you are well informed and obviously know what you're talking about!"

Gina - "Stacy stick with me because I know what's best. Now a bigger question is what douche do you use because I've been told it's coming back in style and I want to make sure I'm well read on the subject too"

Orrrrrrr something like that. I hate it when people take one class in college and all of a sudden are some expert on the subject. You took a freaking introductory class and think you know everything because you know a tiny bit more than I know. Google is my friend and I will do the research that perhaps your class didn't cover.

Daily Show's John Hodgman - Resident Expert

It's not the fact that you're informing me. Heck I've informed people on beer and brewing because I took a class on it. It's the fact that you're coming across as if you're an expert on the matter. As if you teach the subject or something, or that you spent at least four years in college studying it. Don't press your views on me and make me feel bad about making a choice or saying something because you took one class on it.


Your the kind of person I would like to have on my team during trivia night, because I know for a fact that you retain the most obscure knowledge of a wide range of subjects. Partly due to the fact that you didn't have a clue what you wanted to do when you got to college, partly due because you went to college because you were told to and HAD to, not because you wanted to, partly due because you have no drive in life and no one listens to you. So with that being said, stop trying to push what you think is right on me, instead just inform me and leave it up to me to make a decision.